TJ Wade - Keys / Voice - The Private Eye Officer Wade has been transferred from the County Smell to the Department of Toerections, where he will spend the next five years. And for what? Going on the hunt for feet. They say his obsession has gone too far. His fall from grace has landed him on the other side of the justice system. They torture him everyday by showing him feet that he cannot touch. Will he ever see the light of day? Or will he be doomed to remain in the Department of Toerections? Hung Nguyen - Bass/Producer - Internal Affairs Officer Hung was sworn in to protect and serve, but when he puts his foot down, it's time to get down. Currently he is under investigation for taking his duties as a "beat cop" too literally. His wanton disregard for police protocol has threatened the very existence of the penal system. Hardened criminals dancing the night away to the sounds of Foot Patrol now have no time or energy left to commit the crimes they used to be so adept at doing. Lucius Pines, the 43 year old master of bank robbery, has recently given up his life long passion for crime because he could not stop practicing his stationary moonwalk while holding a gun to the teller's head. Police departments all over the country have been overwhelmed by officers' requests for the same wah wah nightstick and tickle torture taser that Officer Hung uses on his beat. This is a grave problem for society and begs the question, "Who will fill our bloated prisons now?" Jeff Hoskins - Drums - The Judge YOU DID WHAT ?! Oh I'm gonna throw the book at you. Here in Footopia neglecting a fine woman's feet is against the law son. And don't you forget it. 16 years in county smell for you! While Im at it - a letter of accommondation for Officer Wade for rightfully stepping in and massaging those feet ! Mark Rodgers - Guitar - The Perp Its not my fault! I didn't know ignoring a fine woman's feet was illegal in the land of Footopia. Officer TJ Wade was as mad as I've ever seen him when he found out I was neglecting that girl's feet. Rick Redman - Trumpet - District Attorney If you don't get a lawyer who knows law then get the one who knows the Judge! They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby. You see this watch? You see this watch? That watch costs more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? Nick Smith - Trombone - Ambulance Chaser Nick arrived from the midnight sky via the giant dog from the film, The Neverending Story. It was a torrid love affair, but the honeymoon waned quickly. The dog and him did battle, and Nick lost his legs as a result. With the aid of computers, technology, and Santa Claus, he was able to regain mobility by playing the trombone. Toots and Woops became his primary form of communication. Today he likes tacos, beer, and jogging. Kerim Peirce - Saxophone - Public Defendant Do you see my beard? DO YOU!? This is important. I will tickle Your feet with it! I WILL! Dont say I wont. Ok that's it... Im gonna get the Judge to sentence you to 5-10 years! Years rubbing your feet on my beard!